2017 was filled with many challenges but so much growth.
When I look back at the year 2017, my head spins a bit. So much happened in a fairly short time. My life changed dramatically as I moved from Florida to China in 2016, settled there more in 2017, and then moved back to the USA.
However, I changed even more than my geographical location. Not understanding a word around me but having to find my own apartment and find directions taught me to ask for help even if I looked clueless. Teaching children and planning creative lessons taught me to trust myself more as a leader and artist. Working with children and feeling alone in a new culture taught me that I did want a family one day. Having a happy relationship continues to teach me that I’m lovable with all my quirks and faults.
To be independent. I want each of my children to have the ability and confidence to live an independent life, making their own choices based on their own values, and not feeling limited by their own fears or insecurities. I have to remind myself of this when it would be easier for me to “fix” one of their problems, than to let them figure it out themselves.
To reasonably assess risk. Risk management is a huge part of everyday adult life. So whether it be climbing trees or jumping off of the playground, I fight my helicopter-parent instincts every day in the hopes that by allowing my children to self-monitor their own risk-taking (age appropriately, of course) I’m teaching them skills that will last…
How do you respond to certain comments especially when they make you question your worth?
Preparing for my audition for being a Disney character or performing tomorrow has been very stressful. Although excited, I am terrified. After all, the other girls will be thinner, prettier, more talented, and sweeter than me. That keeps repeating in my head.
Hearing the responses of my friends and family to this big event has been both helpful and disheartening. Most people have given me great encouragement. Others promise to pray or think about me. Even my coworkers warnings about safety or horror stories all come out of a place of being helpful.
Still, I do not want to get my hopes to high. After all, this program will be amazing even if I am not a character. Sure, that is part of my dream, but I will love working attractions too. There is not a loss just because I am not cast as a princess. That is what I keep trying to remember.
How often do you look at a little girl and tell her that she is ugly? Do you regularly tell a toddler that he is useless? Normally, we do not tell children these types of hurtful statements that we tell ourselves.
Yet, all of us were children at some point. One of the coping skills that I learned in treatment was to hang a picture of myself as a baby or toddler near the mirror. Whenever I wanted to degrade myself, I was supposed to look at the child that I was, the child that I remained to a certain extent.
Looking back, there are many messages that I wish I could tell myself. With this knowledge, I would have escaped heartbreak, rejection, and physical pain. However, lessons that made me a stronger person might have been lost.
I am certainly not in a plane like the nice ones that I rode to Oxford.
This semester is starting off like an airplane that is catapulted into the sky instead of starting from the ground slowly. I feel both invigorated and exhausted. Part of me worries about the future if I continue on in this fashion. However, the thrill of being busy and learning so much is almost addictive. Because of that, I wanted to share what my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday schedule will be. Although it is only the first day of school, the feeling that these classes will be impacting my blog keeps tickling my brain.
First, my day starts at 9:10 when I have Systematic Theology which covers why we believe what we do as well as forcing us to do theology. The idea of actually figuring out and studying what I hold as true is frightening and also exciting.
After this, my university has mandatory chapel. This might involve singing, a speaker, and/or community prayer. In one sense, it is relaxing. Yet, part of me becomes antsy as I long to do something and worry about my daily tasks and homework.
The Bodleian Library where I spent hours studying in Oxford
Today, my adviser helped me to pick my schedule for the spring. Just thinking about my last semester at the university is frightening. Where will my life go from here? How will I adjust to the “real world”? What about all of the courses that I longed to take but will never be able to anymore?
Part of me feels like leaving this school will be breaking off a part of myself. Instead of dwelling on this fear and sorrow, I am trying to remember that I still have more than a full semester left. Right now, there is still left to enjoy my school experience. Here are some of the classes that I am most thankful for taking over the course of my college years.
The hot air balloon ride that I went on back in September at my church’s festival.
Last June, I blogged my bucket list. For a while, one of my writing ideas was updating this list. So much has happened in the past year. Realizing what I have accomplished and what dreams have been added to my goals is important for me.
Looking back actually made me very inspired and hopeful. I accomplished more than I ever dreamed that I would in the past year and several months. Riding a hot air balloon, going to Oxford, a (short) relationship, returning to theater – it has been a huge year. I look forward to thinking back in 2015 and seeing my progress once again.
Many people label social media sites as trivial, shallow, and unhelpful for society. This can be true, however, these websites also have the power to be used for good.
The next few weeks, I am going to find some material from each site (be it a user or something that they posted) and share it with you. These will be items that motivate, encourage, or simply amuse me.
First of all, Pinterest will be explored. This fun and time-consuming site is full of images such as movie quotes, wedding gowns, teacup kittens, and recipe ideas. Sure, it could be seen as frivolous, but one can also gain creativity and inspiration from some of the material. Here are some of the pins and pinners that have helped me.
My medical care team has finally hammered it into my head that I am near the end of my rope. Not only is my body yelling that, but my mind and emotions are also rebelling. Figuring out how to make a change is difficult. Yet it is something that I am admitting now (with reluctance) that it is something that I must do.
Being worn out and drained seems awful. However, there are some benefits and things to be thankful for even in this situation. Here are a few of them: