Lent with an Eating Disorder

Lentil dish

A lentil dish that I ate out in Oxford

Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.

However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.

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Listaliciousness: Bollywood, Kids’ as Fictional Characters, and Llama Chases

Happy start of the week! Since it is my spring break, I am hoping to have more time to blog. However, with work and homework assigned over break as well as practicing for Narnia, this might prove to be difficult.

Still, I look forward to having some free time to recuperate such as seeing films. Also, this Thursday will be my audition for Disney in Chicago. So, having some well wishes and prayers would be very appreciated. 🙂

Anyway, enjoy the post and let me know what links from last week caught your attention. Also, I would love to know if you, your children, or someone that you know dressed up as a literary character this past week. Continue reading

Body Image is the Last to Go

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

Two weeks into Lent, I am having nearly 100 percent of my meal plan every day. Giving up restriction has been simpler than I thought. At the same time, it has been miserably hard. Sometimes, I just want to scream and go back to starving myself.

One of the hardest elements is the constant nagging voice in the back of my head. “You are so fat,” it hisses. Anytime that I sit down, see myself in the mirror, look at my body, or feel my clothing on my skin, I feel nauseous. How can I live in this body for the rest of my life?

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Giving Up the Hardest Thing for Lent

St. Mary Magdalen

The Anglo-Catholic Church St. Mary Magdalen

Ah, Lent. The time of the Church year when an anorexic has a great excuse not to eat.

Part of me wishes I could go back to that way of thinking. However, fasting from food was not a prayer for me. This action brought me no spiritual depth, peace, or grace. Instead, I ended up weary physically, haggard emotionally, and disenchanted spiritually. Only the shell of me remained, or so it seemed. Slowly, my recovery brought me back my voice, passion, and hope.

However, now I need to think of something new to give up for Lent. For those who do not know, today was Ash Wednesday. Millions of people are not having (or at least trying not to have) sweets, pop, chocolate, chips, you-choose-the-yummy-food for the next 40 days.

I am not one of those people.

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Dealing with a Distorted Body Image

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

Every day, I fight the urge to look in the mirror and say, “I hate you.” While sitting, my stomach seems to bulge out. Walking around makes me conscious of my legs. When I smile, I worry about my teeth being white enough. The list of negative thoughts about my body goes on and on.

Most people seem uncomfortable in their own skin. As sad as it is, our society teaches us that early in life. Makeup, hair, and other beauty products promise to make us look better. Clothing is marketed as “slimming,” “thinning,” or “reducing.”

Take a moment to think about that last word: “reducing.” Doesn’t that mean to take away something that you have, to make you less than you were? Since when was that a positive thing?

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Can Fasting be Done in a Healthy Way?

Coping Skills #10. Personal Prayer

Lighting candles for Tazie prayer

Today starts the beginning of Lent for me and my family. During this time, we always worked hard to make sacrifices, donate to charities, and fast from something we enjoyed. Like many little children, I stopped eating sweets. If I could go the whole week (even Sunday) without desserts, then I felt so accomplished. God must be so happy with my self-control!

This sacrifice continued despite my compulsive over-eating. However, the draw of ice cream in the freezer downstairs sometimes pulled me away from my Lenten resolution. Consuming large amounts of desserts secretly helped me feel satisfied, peaceful, and joyful for a short period of time. Quickly, the shame and loneliness returned.

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