Following a Meal Plan or Saving Money on Food?

Eating sweets with my friend Natasha

Eating sweets with my friend Natasha

Food is expensive. Buying it myself I have come to realize that. No longer can I throw hummus, vegetarian chicken, and protein bars into my mother’s cart and assume that we have the money for it all. Now, I must choose wisely what I am willing to splurge on as I get discounted bread, non-brand name cereal, and the cheapest apples possible.

This lack of funds for all food makes following my meal plan difficult. Fresh vegetables? How would I keep those good when I am running off to work? Buying a salad at work? Have you seen the price of salads? No thank you.

Continue reading

Advertisements

A Beautiful Ray of Sunshine

Happy Easter Sunday

The sun peaks through all times of life.

When people passed me today and asked how I was doing, I honestly answered, “Actually, I am doing well today!”

After a rough week, today was a beautiful ray of sunshine and hope. The meeting with my dietitian and therapist went well, although I still am struggling even with a reduced meal plan. Shopping at Goodwill allowed me to find a few outfits for Florida. Then my class before Easter break was short but full of wisdom and deep emotion.

Continue reading

What I Wish That I Learned in Eating Disorder Treatment

Figures of women in Oxford

Figures of women from a museum in Oxford

The past few days have caused me to realize that there are many things that I wish I learned in eating disorder treatment, important aspects of living a normal life with food in it. Without these lessons in treatment, I have struggled greatly to try to adapt to the real world and maintain my recovery.

Now, most of my time in treatment was instructive, healing, and motivating. Health care providers gave me hope with their optimism and constant support. Fellow friends in recovery stood by my side and told me their own stories. Therapy groups taught me to use music, art, CBT, or my faith as a coping skill. Dietitians crafted a meal plan to support my body, lifestyle, and other needs. Acupuncture, yoga, family nights, outings at restaurants – all of the different activities allowed me to heal and explore new aspects of myself that had lay dormant for years.

However, something was still missing. More was needed in my treatment to help me further along in recovery.

Continue reading

Body Image is the Last to Go

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

Two weeks into Lent, I am having nearly 100 percent of my meal plan every day. Giving up restriction has been simpler than I thought. At the same time, it has been miserably hard. Sometimes, I just want to scream and go back to starving myself.

One of the hardest elements is the constant nagging voice in the back of my head. “You are so fat,” it hisses. Anytime that I sit down, see myself in the mirror, look at my body, or feel my clothing on my skin, I feel nauseous. How can I live in this body for the rest of my life?

Continue reading

Giving Up the Hardest Thing for Lent

St. Mary Magdalen

The Anglo-Catholic Church St. Mary Magdalen

Ah, Lent. The time of the Church year when an anorexic has a great excuse not to eat.

Part of me wishes I could go back to that way of thinking. However, fasting from food was not a prayer for me. This action brought me no spiritual depth, peace, or grace. Instead, I ended up weary physically, haggard emotionally, and disenchanted spiritually. Only the shell of me remained, or so it seemed. Slowly, my recovery brought me back my voice, passion, and hope.

However, now I need to think of something new to give up for Lent. For those who do not know, today was Ash Wednesday. Millions of people are not having (or at least trying not to have) sweets, pop, chocolate, chips, you-choose-the-yummy-food for the next 40 days.

I am not one of those people.

Continue reading

Adapting My Meal Plan to Fit the Day

Tea in England

Tea in England

“Decide what you want to eat because I am making you something for free that you have to eat,” the head cook proclaimed as I rushed to the kitchen with an armful of dishes. “If you don’t tell me what you want, you will be eating a rare burger.”

“But I’m vegetarian.” I managed to squeak out as my eating disorder voice began to hiss inside my head. His impish smile told me that he had been teasing, but I also could see that he was honest about the rest. What was I going to do?

Continue reading

Can Fasting be Done in a Healthy Way?

Coping Skills #10. Personal Prayer

Lighting candles for Tazie prayer

Today starts the beginning of Lent for me and my family. During this time, we always worked hard to make sacrifices, donate to charities, and fast from something we enjoyed. Like many little children, I stopped eating sweets. If I could go the whole week (even Sunday) without desserts, then I felt so accomplished. God must be so happy with my self-control!

This sacrifice continued despite my compulsive over-eating. However, the draw of ice cream in the freezer downstairs sometimes pulled me away from my Lenten resolution. Consuming large amounts of desserts secretly helped me feel satisfied, peaceful, and joyful for a short period of time. Quickly, the shame and loneliness returned.

Continue reading