I dressed up as Cinderella for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.
Being disagreeable is a bad thing. So is speaking your mind, being honest, or not liking what everyone else did. You had to be sweet, smiley, and agreeable.
Or at least that is what I thought. Lately, I have begun to allow myself to disagree with others or even argue my point when they belittle my thoughts.
Now, I still want to be kind and respectful to others. However, I no longer feel the bondage of being perfectly agreeable all of the time. Having a bit of spunk and honesty makes me more fun and real, not a bad person.
Realizing this is a bit scary. Have I gone too far and become someone opposite to who I want to be? I don’t think so, but I still worry…
Even so, going back to being the smiling, always conceding girl would be awful. That would be backtracking, right? Progress is being made slowly each day.
Despite stressful situations with others, I had a wonderful last two days. Yesterday, my workday started later, so I was able to roam about the Magic Kingdom for a while. It was very enjoyable and relaxing.
Here are some links. A few are several weeks old, but I still wanted to share them. Enjoy!
I am discontent with my life. Today, that realization dawned upon me. So many times, my mind turns to what is wrong with myself and the situations that I am in instead of being content with the journey of each day.
Being discontent takes root in many ways and can change with each moment. I am anxious with people but lonely alone, nervous with romantic feelings but unloved single, stressed busy but bored without plans, etc. The list of my fickle discontent goes on much longer than I care to admit.
This is in honor of my amazing friend Hannah who I think is like a willow tree. She helped me through some rough times this week.
Hm. That is what I am feeling right now. It is a sound of satisfaction, exhaustion, and a hint of resignation to another week of business starting.
That being said, today went pretty well. Finally, I accomplished all of the hours needed this week for my internship. That took over seven hours today. Meanwhile, I also accomplished paying for (nearly) all of this semester of university, going to Mass, dropping off overdo library books, and watching Once Upon a Time. Like I said, this was a long day. Now, I just need a bath before going to bed. Another long week is ahead of me.
Growing up, most people had one of two comments after talking with me for a little while – “You are so sweet/perfect/nice/angelic/holy/happy!” or “Did you grow up under a rock?’
Neither one of these comments is completely true or fair. I certainly was not raised under a rock, in a barn, or locked in a tower. Also, I am not perfect. My family can attest to that.
Being thought of as an angel on earth was reassuring at times but also stressful. Suddenly, the pressure to be perfect came not only from myself but also others. Everyone seemed to expect me to do the right thing, keep a smile on my face, and never understand anything crude or kind. Thus, I constantly worked to be innocent, cheerful, and sweet.
Today, my mother and I went to the baby shower of my best friend through high school. Since then, we have remained close at heart but taken very different paths. She did two years of mission work, finished college two Mays ago, married last November, and is now pregnant with a little girl. That is miles away from anything that I have experienced.
Going to Oxford proved to myself that I could accomplish great things. Now, I am more confident about my future. Although nothing is easy, the strength to go far and be a bright light is inside of me.
Balancing what I am, what I am not, and what I could be one day is difficult. Sometimes I wish that I was different and had a life more like my friend. Thus, this post is mostly a coping skill for me to practice learning to accept where I am and press forward with hope.
Mario and I made an eatable necklace as part of Christine’s present. This is a practice one that we made for him.
Sorry, this is coming out so very late! Today has been hectic, to say the least. My sister, Christine, turned 21. Mario and I spent the day together. We went to see a show, buy gifts, make gifts, have lunch, read a book, etc. Then I had to finish working for the dinner cruise of retreat center that I live at with my family. Just now, I finally tumbled into bed.
However, so much has been on my mind lately that I have thought about writing about on this blog. Instead of just bombarding you with information that might be boring or strange, I would love to hear your opinions on some topics. These could be addressed in posts this week or later this month.