It’s Not a Big Deal…Or Is It?

It's Not You, It's My PTSD

Memories haunt, words remind, fears remain, but I will survive.

When people warned me that he wasn’t a good friend, I just smiled sheepishly and shrugged. Sure, he was not perfect. Yet, a quirky, introverted, socially-anxious preteen girl took the friends she could get. So, I told myself repeatedly, “It’s not a big deal.”

It’s not a big deal if he tells me to shut up. I do talk too much.

It’s not a big deal if he belittles my dreams. They won’t come true anyway.

It’s not a big deal if he slaps my face. It was a gentle hit to keep me from being too weird.

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Everyone Struggles Even Bullies

Last night, my co-worker and I were discussing how her ten-year-old son is being bullied at school. Hearing about such young children with great sensitivity being treated unkindly brings back horrible memories. I am thankful to my parents for homeschooling me because my experience with teasing could have been much worse. Still, the cruel way that some kids treat others breaks my heart.

One of the hardest parts is that many of those bullies are suffering too. Few kids are mean naturally, in my experience. Some are hurt by their parents while others have been teased themselves and are trying to protect themselves. One child might have a behavioral disorder and another is struggling to understand with a sibling died. Whatever the case, bullying others is still wrong. Yet, realizing the pain of even the unkindest of people is important.  This video really touched me and validated my views.

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Running Away from Needed Help: Part 2 – DP Challenge: Cliffhanger

Running Away

Running away will never make you free.
– Kenny Loggins

This post will be a sequel to the one from yesterday which you can read here.  The Daily Post challenge Cliffhanger inspired this post and its prequel.  I hope that you enjoy the continuation of my story.

“Calm down, Anna Rose.  You can’t drive when you are so upset.”  Faintly, I heard my mother’s voice in the distance.  Hot tears rolled down my face as I clenched my jaw tightly.  Veering sharply to the left, my car speed out of the parking lot, as far away from the gray building as possible.

“I cannot believe her.  Never, ever again!”  Repeating my refusal to return, I rapidly came to a stop, hands trembling on the wheel.

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Running Away from Needed Help – DP Challenge: Cliffhanger

Running Away

Running away will never make you free.
– Kenny Loggins

This post is a bit different in style although similar in content to my normal ones.  I decided to participate in Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge: Cliffhanger.  Unlike most of my writing, this story from my life will be continued by another post tomorrow.  Hopefully, you will be left wanting to read more at the end of this post.  So without further ado, I will commence with my tale.

Haunting my daily life, the song Another One Bites the Dust has played through my mind multiple times lately.  Slowly, my care team seems to be falling away from me in this past year.  The medical doctor who took over an hour to speak encouragement to me and the dietitian who refused to let my eating disorder dictate any meals both left me alone.  Grieving their loss has added to my depression and anxiety.

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