The Fear of Saying “No”

Stepping onto a stone

“By stepping outside your comfort zone to do something peculiar, you confirm that you can do more than you’ve done. Move out!” – Israelmore Ayivor

“No” is one of my least favorite words. I hate saying it to people for numerous reasons. However, the main reason stems from fear.

Fear of them being hurt, upset, or unhappy. Fear of them disliking me, thinking I dislike them, or being rejecting. An even darker fear underlies most of these: fear of how they will retaliate.

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Reclaiming and Listening to My Inner Writer

Note on Tolkien's grave

A note that I wrote and placed on the grave of Tolkien – he is an amazing writer who inspired me.

Monday is my media day. That is what I should write about and focus on in today’s post. Doing anything different would be against the schedule that I set and posted for my readers to see. Thus, I would essentially be lying to them as well as not being organized.

These were the thoughts that circled through my head several times today as numerous ideas came to me about this blog. Each idea was shot down by my brain or written on a note to address in the future.

At play practice tonight for the show on creativity and faith, I realized how often I tell my inner artist no. The ideas and creativity that wells up inside of me is silenced by the scholar, the perfectionist, the organizer, the judger, and the practical part of me. No wonder writing seems like such a challenge with no joy! I am no longer engulfed in imagination or the process; it has become a task, a way to function and communicate. That is all.

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Will You Leave Me or Stay by Me?

Will You Leave Me or Stay by Me?

Will You Leave Me or Stay by Me?

Rejection is probably my greatest fear.  No matter how close I am to someone, I fear that they will desert me.  Perhaps those dearest to me, such as family and friends, cause me even greater anxiety than strangers.  If I lose them, who will stand by me and hold me through the tough times?

Now this fear creeps into my mind at many times.  Laughing with classmates, smiling at someone who cares about me, emailing my mother, driving away from play practice – thoughts bombard me at any moment causing doubt about the sincerity of others.

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