Losing Sight of Yourself

"There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self." - Benjamin Franklin

“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.” – Benjamin Franklin

You know yourself better than any other human.

Sounds simple, right? Why is it then that I find this so hard to remember? I look to others to tell me what I do well, how I look (or how I should look), and who I should become. When I need approval, I don’t even try to rely on myself. Instead, a friend or family member is sure to boost my self-esteem.

Or at least, that is how it has worked most of my life. A time arrives, however, when people around you belittle instead of charm, critique instead of comfort, and ignore instead of notice. Suddenly, you are forced to look at yourself in the mirror in confusion, wondering who you are without the words of others. Or perhaps, wondering if the bitter, nastier labels they stuck on you are the reality of your character.

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When is Nice Too Nice?

Darth Vadar

My fear is that if I am not nice, I will be something like him.

Yesterday, two friends were (playfully) bickering. Laughing a bit, I attempted to diffuse the situation a bit. “You can kick me under the table if you need to,” I offered.

“You’re so nice and sweet,” one remarked.

“That’s not sweet. That’s messed up! Who let’s themselves be kicked?” The other friend questioned. “What happened to you in your past that you are so submissive?”

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Guess I’m a Little Salty about That

“I’m just going to be single for life. There is nothing wrong with that, and that’s the way I want it!” I declared in (what I thought was) a confident voice.

“Sure…” My friend remarked, looking unconvinced.

“What? There are people who are single and fine with it.” I responded with a bit less bluster.

“Yes, but I am pretty sure they don’t say it the way that you just said that. Girl, you’re a little bit salty.”

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No One Has Rights on Me or You

Daisy and me

This sassy duck does not let anyone who doesn’t respect her into her life. 

So much of my time is spent wondering how I am going to say “No” to someone. How will I let him down carefully? How do I keep her from getting angry at me? How do I get out of a situation without having to be obvious?

People are constantly telling me to give others a chance. We are often told not to “judge a book by its cover” and to “take time to really know a person.”

Those words of advice are very helpful in many situations. Yet, these wise sayings do not mean you need to say “Yes” or let everyone into your life. Sometimes, saying “No” is the safest and healthiest option.

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What We Think We Deserve

Friend Celina

My friend Celina is a great example of a good friend.

There is a cliche or saying about being treated as we think we deserve. Slowly, I am coming to realize how true this is.

I feel worthless and desperate for anyone in my life. This attracts the wrong types of people sometimes, especially romantically. There are some nice guys who have expressed interest in me, but most have been inconsiderate at best and abusive at worst.

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Can You Be Honest about PTSD Triggers?

I did it for the first time in my life. I told someone outright that he was triggering me.

So many different emotions are running through my head. Guilt, relief, fear, regret, shame, even a bit of pride – all of it is there.

What do I do now? Was it the right or wrong choice? Will I ever know that?

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Red Flags You are Dating an Abuser

It is important to take a look at this list not only for yourself but others in your life. The sad truth is that many women and men are in abusive relationships. Also, more men and women are abusive than they might even know. We need to deal with this issue instead of ignoring it.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse

Here is a list of red flags that may help you to see early on that you are with an abusive personality. If you are seeing a few of these characteristics then you need to assert some boundaries with them and see how they react.

If they fight you about having simple personal boundaries then you need to realize that you may be in an abusive relationship. 

Tell them you have to go sleep early one night because you have a lot to do the next day. If they do not accept this, then there is a problem.

No one should give you guilt or shame you that you are not good to them, when you are doing simple basic things to take care of yourself.

It is not normal for someone to threaten to leave you or call you a bad girlfriend if you want to do things for…

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Ten Reasons I See Myself As Better and Worse Than Others

Me at Goodwill

We have reasons why we are better/worse humans even if we do not realize them.

At my university’s chapel yesterday, the speaker gave an amazingly candid and thought-provoking exercise for us to do. “List the reasons why you think that you are a better person or Christian than others. Then list the reasons why you are worse.”

Even more shockingly, he went on to list some of his reasons. I similarly made lists in my notebook. Looking back at the items was a strong jolt of reality for me. Pride and superiority is a far bigger issue in my life than I ever realized. In fact, all of us seem to battle this more than we want to admit even if it is hidden in the guise of self-hate.

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Letter from a Support Person

My father and my sister Maria years ago

My father and my sister Maria years ago

I recently received a beautiful comment on this blog. An anonymous support person wrote a letter that was much more powerful than anything I could write trying to understand that point of view. Thus, I wanted to share this letter from a family member or friend of a person struggling with mental illness. Hopefully, it will touch you as much as it impacted me.

Plus, if you ever have something that you want to bring to my attention or think that I should share, let me know in a comment. I cannot promise to always blog it. However, know that I am open to hearing your voice and what you would like to see more of on this blog.

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One Thousand Thanks: 977 – 987. Joys of Singlehood

Releasing Your Captive Imagination

Being single can be ok and even a blessing.

Loneliness is one of the worst feelings in the world. It brings hopelessness, misery, depression, and lack of motivation.

Lately, this sense of being lost without anyone has been difficult. From everything that I have read, this is typical of Aspergers. Just because I know about part of the cause of my loneliness does not make it any easier.

Since being single has been a huge part of my current sense of sorrow, I decided to look at the wonderful parts of not being in a romantic relationship. Please add any others that you think of in the comments.

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