Erasing Bitterness

Mountains

Mountains in the distance

If I could erase one emotion completely from my life, I would eliminate bitterness.

Anger frightens me. When someone annoys me, I bite my tongue and inwardly scream until I have no voice. If a person hurts me, I fake a smile and brush off a few tears as a cauldron of fury bubbles inside.

But I struggle to confront or actually deal with the anger. Complain to others? Perhaps. Face my own anger? Never.

That is when the bitterness begins to grow.

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Lent with an Eating Disorder

Lentil dish

A lentil dish that I ate out in Oxford

Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.

However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.

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Listaliciousness: Dr. Suess books, Creativity, and Disney

food from Cowfish

A vegetarian burger with sweet potato fries and spiked milkshake from Cowfish

It has been way to long!  Finally, Listaliciousness is back!

Here are some links of wonderful things. There were many to choose from, but I decided on these.
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Learning Not to Fear Differences

Me with red flower in hair

I am slowly learning to be different and enjoy that as well as talk with others who are different from me.

When I am different than others, it scares me.

What do they think of me? Are they judging how I look or who I am? How can I not draw attention to myself?

I have tried to be normal and blend in, but this always fails dramatically. Instead, I must learn to deal with being different and caring for those who are not like me.

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Listaliciousness: Princess Lessons, Dr. Who Legos, and Perfectionism

Fountain at Downtown Disney

Fountain at Downtown Disney

Despite stressful situations with others, I had a wonderful last two days. Yesterday, my workday started later, so I was able to roam about the Magic Kingdom for a while. It was very enjoyable and relaxing.

Here are some links. A few are several weeks old, but I still wanted to share them. Enjoy!

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Can an Aspie Believe in an Abstract Concept?

The moon over Morocco in Epcot

The moon over Morocco in Epcot

For the first time today, I realized one of the reasons I struggle talking with God: He is so abstract.

“Just get to know Him,” my friends at school said.

Sure, but how do you get to know someone? By talking to that person and asking questions. However, I have a hard time asking questions when I am not sure of a response. Am I making up a response in my head? I did that for years. Now, talking to God terrifies me because I do not know if it is me or Him answering.

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Listaliciousness: Tom Hiddleston Moments, Sleepy Prayers, and Responding to Trials

Finals week is here! I just hope that I can get through it and be prepared to leave for Disney next Sunday. That being said, I will try to write a bit each day. However, some of my posts might be reblogs. On the positive side, that will let you read some material that touched me.

Here are some links. There are not 10 today, but I hope that you enjoy them.

  1. Halle Berry’s daughter raises money for charity with lemonade stand – What a cute idea! Children can be so considerate.
  2. Tom Hiddleston: Top 10 moments – He is a great man and wonderful actor. These made me laugh.
  3. Joining the Fellowship: Catholic Lessons from Tolkien – Here is another article that I wrote. The Lord of the Rings has so many deep lessons in it.
  4. Why Sleepy Prayers Have Value – Wow, I really need to remember this as I try not to doze off at Mass because I am so tired.
  5. Writers Are the Best Speakers – Interesting post. I never thought about it that way before.
  6. Responding to Trials – What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing these wonderful stories with us.

Listaliciousness: Weird Al with “Yoda,” Amateurs, and Jealous Batman

Break is officially over for me. Tomorrow, classes begin. I feel mixed about starting on this last part of my journey at this university. Leaving will be bitter sweet although the bitterness has brown lately.

Anyway, here are the links like every Sunday. Enjoy!

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Giving Up the Hardest Thing for Lent

St. Mary Magdalen

The Anglo-Catholic Church St. Mary Magdalen

Ah, Lent. The time of the Church year when an anorexic has a great excuse not to eat.

Part of me wishes I could go back to that way of thinking. However, fasting from food was not a prayer for me. This action brought me no spiritual depth, peace, or grace. Instead, I ended up weary physically, haggard emotionally, and disenchanted spiritually. Only the shell of me remained, or so it seemed. Slowly, my recovery brought me back my voice, passion, and hope.

However, now I need to think of something new to give up for Lent. For those who do not know, today was Ash Wednesday. Millions of people are not having (or at least trying not to have) sweets, pop, chocolate, chips, you-choose-the-yummy-food for the next 40 days.

I am not one of those people.

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Starting Off My Last Semester with Evil, Playwriting, and Sentence Structure

Sitting on the plane

I am certainly not in a plane like the nice ones that I rode to Oxford.

This semester is starting off like an airplane that is catapulted into the sky instead of starting from the ground slowly. I feel both invigorated and exhausted. Part of me worries about the future if I continue on in this fashion. However, the thrill of being busy and learning so much is almost addictive. Because of that, I wanted to share what my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday schedule will be. Although it is only the first day of school, the feeling that these classes will be impacting my blog keeps tickling my brain.

First, my day starts at 9:10 when I have Systematic Theology which covers why we believe what we do as well as forcing us to do theology. The idea of actually figuring out and studying what I hold as true is frightening and also exciting.

After this, my university has mandatory chapel. This might involve singing, a speaker, and/or community prayer. In one sense, it is relaxing. Yet, part of me becomes antsy as I long to do something and worry about my daily tasks and homework.

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