Nearly every day, my mind plays the same draining tape: “You are lazy. You accomplish nothing. You should be ashamed.”
Eight or nine hours worked six days every week? They don’t count. Any preparation for my masters program this coming autumn? It wasn’t enough. Any cleaning or other task? I should have done it weeks ago.
After arriving back in the USA a few days ago, I’ve been busy cleaning out all of my old boxes. Although I just moved back from China, my goal is to move abroad again for my Master’s Degree soon. Thus, all of the clutter in my old room and closet needed to leave.
As I pulled out old boxes and rummaged through dusty drawers, glimpses of the past kept appearing.
My fingers were stained pink and blue from oil pastel paintings made in residential treatment for my eating disorder. Babies surrounded by darkness, blood-red monsters devouring me, trees half blossoming and half diseased – images of despair and hope mixed with every color.
My friend and I ate this at Blizzard Beach. It was a great sundae!
I am trying not to freak out right now. For the most part, my two days off – today and yesterday – were lovely. Having my hand kissed by Goofy, relaxing in the sun with my friend Daniela on Blizzard Beach, eating a pail of ice cream, faking my way through Star Wars weekend despite not seeing any of the films, meeting new friends from around the world in Epcot…it was all great.
However, I just had a mix-up in my scheduling, my computer mouse is still not working, and my phone has just stopped working too. All of this makes life so much more stressful. I do not know how to fix this all on my own.
Anyway, here is a brighter note: my top ten links! Let me know something that interested you.
I am free. Well, I am free from my university to embark to new places, meet new people, have new experiences, and face new fears. Sure, there are still things that hold me back such as student loans, anxieties, commitments, and finances. However, those do not control my life completely.
Today was lovely. As I walked across stage and listened to my commencement, tears welled up in my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. Being in this position, fighting so hard to recover enough to get through school, refusing to back down on my beliefs or give up on my university – my college journey has not been easy. No, not easy but it has valuable and empowering.
Today, I sent in my last work to finish up my college career. All that needs to happen now is walking across stage tomorrow. After all of the tears and anxieties, the days when I wanted to die and times when I never thought the work would be done, I am finally finishing. The feeling is so surreal.
Of course, the Disney College Program does involve classes, and I plan to get my doctrate. However, this is still a huge step forward in my life and a great accomplishment. Persevering through this last year has been especially difficult. There were so many days when I considered dropping out or giving up instead of getting my work done. Thankfully, I continued.
Wow, what a beautiful weekend! Happy Monday everyone! I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother’s Day, and had a sunshine filled weekend. Well, it’s official, I’m officially done with my senior year of college (and EVER!) The only adjective I can describe this feeling with is weird. I don’t think it will hit me that August that I will not be returning to St. Bonaventure University for another year of college. It feels like time is absolutely flying by. I mean, I’ll be wearing a cap and gown Sunday and receiving my diploma. SO so so so so weird, but exciting at the same time. This week’s Motivational Monday definitely is for all of the college graduates out there getting ready to leave something so familiar behind, and dive into the unknown.
If you focus on what you’ve left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead.
Everyone has dreams. Sure, some people pretend that all things fail and life has no point. However, even they hold a secret candle of hope burning for something. Perhaps owning a new dog or seeing a shooting star. Those might seem like simple pleasures, but they might be someone’s deepest dream.
Today, I presented my senior capstone on Professional Writing. My last point in it addressed my future plans and dreams: learning and working at the Disney College Program, continuing my blog, teaching English in South Korea, freelancing for clients, and receiving my doctorate at Oxford University. A couple of these might take 10 years or more (South Korea and Oxford). However, that does not stop me from starting to work to achieve them now.
Paul, Katie, and I are dressed as coats for Narnia.
Here is a continuation of my list of thanks for my wonderful cast of Narnia. Today, we have our last two shows which is very bittersweet. Choosing to do this show was difficult at times, but I am certainly glad that I stayed strong and stuck with it even in the stressful, depressing moments. These people are much of the reason why I did so.
1055. Abby: Fenris– You are so incredibly amazing! Honestly, I want to spend every day being with you because you have such a kind heart, hilarious sense of humor, and creative outlook. Hopefully, I do not annoy you too much by being your little evil buddy. You make being a crulie in Narnia fun! Continue reading →