A little while ago, I discussed not know who I really was. This video came at a great timing and reminded me of that dilemma.
Happy New Year! 2015 has just begun, and I am already exhausted. However, that does not mean there are not many wonderful times ahead of me. It simply indicates that I have been working an awful lot lately.
Anyway, in honor of this new year, here are some of the things that I am thankful for and anticipating that will happen in the next 12 months.
After a long week at school and many lonely moments, I love being home. All of this week, my heart yearned to be held by my mother and hear my father’s hilarious jokes. Giggling with Mario or blushing as Christine teased me sounded like wonderful scenarios. Even better, Thanksgiving is drawing near which means that Maria will be returning so that we all can be cheered by her radiant smile.
Home can be a difficult place to return for some people. For others, however, returning brings back a sense of safety, comfort, warmth, and relaxation. No one can harm you. Your parents once again stand guard to keep you out of harm’s way.
Growing up, my sisters and I roomed together for many years. After I was around 10, I received my own room. However, some of those nights with Christine and Maria when we giggled or bickered in whispers still bring a smile to my face.
Now I am have roommates again. They are some of the sweetest, best listening, friendliest, and wisest girls I have ever met. I am so honored that they wanted me to share a room with them. So here is a post about them, as well as my sisters, and why having a roommate can be great.
Today, I went to see The Giver at the theater I am working at now. It was amazing. Probably not as good as the book, but much better than I could have ever hoped for it to be. If you have time, please go and see this touching and uplifting masterpiece.
Anyway, it centers on memories that bring back emotions and things from the past. This made me think about my own memory. Mostly it haunts me. Yet, there are many elements and moments of beauty in my life. Thus, for Thankfulness Thursday, I am going to look at all of the wonderful memories that have stuck with me.
My mother is an amazing person. She cares for and loves me to the best of her abilities. However she is not perfect. In fact, she is not even my therapist.
Often times, I interact with my family as if they were my medical caregivers. When I self-harm, their confused and angry response terrifies me. Times when I need consoling, they might be warn out and unable to listen. The way my Aspergian brain works still bewilders and annoys them. Thus, I am left longing for therapy from people who (despite their love) do not have the training or energy to give me that.
Sorry, this is coming out so very late! Today has been hectic, to say the least. My sister, Christine, turned 21. Mario and I spent the day together. We went to see a show, buy gifts, make gifts, have lunch, read a book, etc. Then I had to finish working for the dinner cruise of retreat center that I live at with my family. Just now, I finally tumbled into bed.
However, so much has been on my mind lately that I have thought about writing about on this blog. Instead of just bombarding you with information that might be boring or strange, I would love to hear your opinions on some topics. These could be addressed in posts this week or later this month.
Right now, I feel like a butterfly with the wings pulled off. Although I love my family and Minnesota, all of me long to be back in Oxford. Or at least somewhere where I am free to soar, grow, and learn. Everything here is stagnant, including myself.
Each day, my spirit seems to sink a little lower. I am trying to stay positive, but my energy is draining fast. Why is it that when we have little to do, we feel the most tired? Depression is a strange and crippling thing.
Being back home has been bittersweet. My family is amazing, and babysitting my little brother every day has been a joy (you’re welcome, Mom). However, I feel like I am going crazy without the intellectually stimulating and independent life that I left in Oxford. Depression is beginning to set in, making me even more miserable. What am I supposed to do with my life now?
Instead of complaining about my current situation, I am going to look at the positives in the past few days. There are many benefits to being home. This Thankfulness Thursday will be focused on these wonderful elements of being back in Minnesota.
Yesterday was rather traumatizing, and I am still recovering today. A large truck (not quite a semi but still big) turned from the wrong lane and hit our car, smashing my side into the barrier on the side of the road. Luckily, my mother and brother are both fine as am I physically. However, the images that flashed through my mind will not leave me alone.
Anyway, this proved to be a perfect time to use a coping skill. Thankfully, I had brought along the new book I am reading aloud to Mario: The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. This fantastic novel helped take my mine off of the accident.