“Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Each night fills me with terror. Sleeping, which so many people seem to love, is one of my least favorite activities. Not only does it feel like a waste of time, it also brings awful nightmares.
Perhaps I am the villain one night, killing millions of people until everything around me is red. The next evening, a friend or coworker is kidnapping me. Almost worst are the nights when people tell me how they truly feel, how much they really hate me. Sometimes that is the hardest to hear.
Today was miserable. I woke up late which made me late. Plus the bus left early which put me onto a ride with people fighting loudly. Tomorrow I am waking up at 3:30 or earlier for work, I got in trouble (big trouble) for running late, I was not able to go grocery shopping or pick up my packages like I had wanted, lots of my laundry is dirty since I have few sets of clothing….the list of complaints about today could go on and on. It is the first day down here that I really disliked.
However, my lovely roommates came to the rescue. One helped me carry all of my belongings to the apartment. Then the rest made me supper while I showered with a borrowed towel (mine is dirty). Now, I feel much better if still exhuasted and sadder than previously. I just hope that I can do a good job here. What if I am not cut out for this job or just not good enough? That fear keeps replaying through my head.
Whatever the case, I am glad to be here now. I must keep doing my best. There is nothing else I can do, right?
Finals week is here! I just hope that I can get through it and be prepared to leave for Disney next Sunday. That being said, I will try to write a bit each day. However, some of my posts might be reblogs. On the positive side, that will let you read some material that touched me.
Here are some links. There are not 10 today, but I hope that you enjoy them.
My lovely roommates have decided that I must go to bed at a reasonable time tonight after not getting more than 5 hours of sleep per night for a week. We reached a compromise of before midnight. Thus, this post is rather brief because there is much to still be done.
However, I must say that I love my roommates. Sure, not staying up will be stressful. However, I need the rest to get my schoolwork done well and perform to the best of my abilities at work. Plus, not taking my medication for a couple of weeks is starting to make my thoughts really hard to manage.
Anyway, a big thank you and much love to my lovely roommate Katie for taking on the role of my mother. Also thank you to her accomplice Kaitlyn. I love you both! Having you as my roommates has been such a blessing.
Waking early in the morning can make functioning difficult.
For those of us with early mornings, getting up and ready can be very difficult. Going to bed early, having coffee, and other tactics can be used. However, having the energy to prepare in the morning can still be a struggle.
A coping skill that I am finally applying is putting together everything needed for the next day before I go to sleep. This might be a hassle in the evening but sure saves me time the next day.
Sleep continues to be a problem that I deal with most nights. Since childhood, falling asleep and staying that way has been a struggle. Now, there are mornings when I cannot wake up despite my best efforts.
At confession today, the priest suggested improving my sleep hygiene by having a bedtime routine. An hour later, my mother echoed his words. When two wise people say the same thing to you in a short period of time, you know that you should listen.
Sometimes we need to stop and take a break instead of rushing down the stream of life.
For the first time in months, my schedule was clear today. No school, no work, no meetings, no medical appointments – nothing. Yes, there were many items that I needed to attend to, but it was still wonderful to feel less pressured.
Today made me realize why the phrase “free time” has the word “free” in it. There is a freedom that you have when no one else owns part of your day. Being busy and productive brings a sense of accomplishment. However, too much happening can make you feel weary and trapped.
So here are some wonderful benefits to having free time that I enjoyed today and look forward to having in the future. I would love to hear what you appreciate about having a day where nothing is scheduled.
Even with friends, I know that part of me is different because of my medication.
Because I saw the late night premier of The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies last night, I did not take one of my evening medications which makes me very sleepy. The lack of it kept me riled up and awake until a bit after 4:00 A.M. Still, my alarm was set for 8:30 because I have so much work to do.
When I awoke this morning, I felt strangely perky. “You will crash in a few hours,” a friend warned. But I did not.
Without my medication, I sprung through the day with a strange energy. For the first time in a long time, liveliness pulsed through my body. It was almost like I was a new person.