When is Nice Too Nice?

Darth Vadar

My fear is that if I am not nice, I will be something like him.

Yesterday, two friends were (playfully) bickering. Laughing a bit, I attempted to diffuse the situation a bit. “You can kick me under the table if you need to,” I offered.

“You’re so nice and sweet,” one remarked.

“That’s not sweet. That’s messed up! Who let’s themselves be kicked?” The other friend questioned. “What happened to you in your past that you are so submissive?”

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No One Has Rights on Me or You

Daisy and me

This sassy duck does not let anyone who doesn’t respect her into her life.¬†

So much of my time is spent wondering how I am going to say “No” to someone. How will I let him down carefully? How do I keep her from getting angry at me? How do I get out of a situation without having to be obvious?

People are constantly telling me to give others a chance. We are often told not to “judge a book by its cover” and to “take time to really know a person.”

Those words of advice are very helpful in many situations. Yet, these wise sayings do not mean you need to say “Yes” or let everyone into your life. Sometimes, saying “No” is the safest and healthiest option.

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I Read into Things too Much

Do you ever over-analyze a situation? Think about it until you have exhausted the ways to view it?

This seems to be my life. Why did he say that to me? Why is she looking at me? Are they thinking this? What if they really mean that?

These are the thoughts that continuously run through my head. Every moment of my life seems to be analyzed by myself.

Part of this is my Aspergers. To understand others and adapt socially, I taught myself to pay close attention to small details. Forgetting the “littlest” thing could lead to teasing or being abandoned by my peers.

However, some of my attentiveness seems to have gone overboard. Now, I no longer know how to control it. One word or glance might make me miserable for days. On the other hand, a positive interaction can make me elated for the rest of the week.

So does anyone else (especially those on the Autism spectrum) deal with this? How do you manage to not read too much into everything? Is this even a bad thing?

Living Between the Two Sides

Being agreeable and getting along with others has always been important to me.

Sure, I was the shy, antisocial girl who answered too many questions in class and barely talked in the hall. Peers stopped talking when I entered the room, believing me too naive to handle anything slightly inappropriate. Others giggled at my lack of social skills or complained to my face about strange traits.

Still, I wanted others to like me. This continues to be a goal of mine. The more people who like me, the better. Even if I do not like the other person, I hope he or she respects and enjoys me.

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I’m Sorry, Neighbors

Me in black and white

I’m sorry.

I am sorry, neighbors, that I look at you with terrified eyes when you try to say “Hi” while I am walking. That I rapidly turn and scurry in the other direction when I see you even begin to leave your front door. That I would rather pass by a huge black snake than you and your dog.

I am sorry, neighbors, that social anxiety seizes me and propels me away from other humans. That my heart begins to shake whenever I see a car drive by me. That I envision each person around kidnapping, torturing, and killing me.

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Drawing People In, Pushing Them Away

Mary Poppins walking away

People come and go quickly in my life.

Being in Orlando has taught me a strange fact: I draw people to myself.

Writing that means that I must admit it which is hard. Me, a people person? Me, someone who others like? Me, friendly?

Yet, it is true. Whether chatting with a stranger on the bus or the new person at work, I enjoy knowing people’s stories which they, in turn, enjoy telling. When numerous people are asking to hang out, I must admit that something I am doing (or maybe who I am????) is making friends. Strange how I have changed over the years.

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Fear of Seeing People

Lion sleeping

Sometimes I just want to be alone and not be found.

The past few days, I have kept pretty quiet in hopes of being left alone. A few friends were contacted, but I mostly just stayed silent at home. Fear of seeing people or them even knowing I was back in the state overwhelmed me.

Was there a certain person or group of people that made me nervous? I am not sure. However, my panic set in whenever I imagined anyone finding me.

Is this PTSD? Isolation from depression? Social anxiety from Aspergers? I am not sure.

What I do know is that there are times when I just must be alone. Maybe I do not even want to be alone but I must. It is a strange feeling and overpowering to say the least.

Tomorrow, I am returning to Florida. Most of me is excited. Yet that fear of being found still lingers. Will it haunt me even in the Sunshine State?

Agreeing to Be Disagreeable

Meeting Cinderella at Halloween

I dressed up as Cinderella for Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.

Being disagreeable is a bad thing. So is speaking your mind, being honest, or not liking what everyone else did. You had to be sweet, smiley, and agreeable.

Or at least that is what I thought. Lately, I have begun to allow myself to disagree with others or even argue my point when they belittle my thoughts.

Now, I still want to be kind and respectful to others. However, I no longer feel the bondage of being perfectly agreeable all of the time. Having a bit of spunk and honesty makes me more fun and real, not a bad person.

Realizing this is a bit scary. Have I gone too far and become someone opposite to who I want to be? I don’t think so, but I still worry…

Even so, going back to being the smiling, always conceding girl would be awful. That would be backtracking, right? Progress is being made slowly each day.

“You Have a Way with People.”

Drinking butterbeer

Here I am enjoying my first butterbeer.

My roommate said this amazing phrase the other day: “You have a way with people.”

“Yeah, a way of making them annoyed,” I wanted to quip. However, the negative remarks just stayed in my head as I smiled in thanks.

Her response had to do with a story I had told her about my day. Earlier that afternoon, I went to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios for the first time. Stepping into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade was truly a magical experience.

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Social Observations From an Aspie: Different Kinds of Promises

With Anna

Meeting Princess Anna who also has problems with promises

“But you promised.”

That is one of the resounding thoughts in my life. I am constantly disappointed because someone promises to hang out with me or give me a present or be there for me but he or she fails to keep to what they promised.

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