As you learn who you are, you can better surround yourself with friends who make you a better person, and that sometimes only happens when you disassemble old relationships. – Maggie Stiefvater
Agony fills me when I look back on some of the people in my past. Adults who shamed, girls who whispered just loud enough for me to hear, boys who snickered, and many other memories still haunt me. Mostly I blame myself for the unkind comments and thoughtless abandonment. After all, people only treated me how I deserved, right? The shy, naive, awkward girl had it coming to her because she had no idea how to survive in the real world.
However, traces of anger and bitterness reside deep inside of me, nearly invisible but poisoning everything they touch. The more that I ignore these feelings, the stronger they become. Guilt then begins to set in which only adds to this toxicity.
For years, I stuffed down these emotions. Finally my therapy has allowed me to open up a bit about them and start to voice them aloud. The seemingly simple practice of announcing my hurt to others makes me feel like shackles are removed from my wrists. However, allowing the words to leave my mouth or even process in my brain throws me into the front lines of a war. When people say call themselves recovery warriors, they are not kidding!