Am I Anyone without a Smile?

Some days, the smiles just don't want to come.

Some days, the smiles just don’t want to come.

From theater to Disney, my life has constantly been filled with places where I need to smile. I enjoy smiling. When I see others smiling, my heart feels lighter especially if I helped bring about their joy. I don’t mind keeping a smile on my face for hours on end when I see it positively influencing¬†others.

However, I sometimes feel more like crying than smiling. Then, I realize that people think of me as someone who always smiles. Who would I be without my smile? This haunts me.

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Listaliciousness: Google Tips, Retro Princesses, and Working while Having Fun

Dressed as Honey Lemon with Halloween Mickey Mouse

Dressed as Honey Lemon with Halloween Mickey Mouse

Happy Sunday and list day! Enjoy these links that I finally got around to doing again! ūüėÄ

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One Thousand Thanks: 1066 – 1076. The Cast of Narnia – Part Three

Entering into the wardrobe of Narnia

Entering into the wardrobe of Narnia

After taking a few days away from the show, I already miss it although there is also a sense of relief and closure. Thus, here is my final list of thanks to the wonderful people who made Narnia happen.

1066. Nathan: Director РHe had a great vision for the play. Instead of being cutesy or overly extravagant, the show was a mix of magical, simple, and earthy. I really respected his way of helping us to tell the story, no matter what part we played.  Continue reading

One Thousand Thanks: 1055 – 1065. The Cast of Narnia – Part Two

Cast as Narnian coats

Paul, Katie, and I are dressed as coats for Narnia.

Here is a continuation of my list of thanks for my wonderful cast of Narnia. Today, we have our last two shows which is very bittersweet. Choosing to do this show was difficult at times, but I am certainly glad that I stayed strong and stuck with it even in the stressful, depressing moments. These people are much of the reason why I did so.

1055. Abby: Fenris–¬†You are so incredibly amazing! Honestly, I want to spend every day being with you because you have such a kind heart, hilarious sense of humor, and creative outlook. Hopefully, I do not annoy you too much by being your little evil buddy. You make being a crulie in Narnia fun!¬† Continue reading

One Thousand Thanks: 1044 – 1054. The Cast of Narnia – Part One

Me as a dryad in Narnia

I am a dryad in Narnia.

Normally, I write a note to each member of shows that I am in, but lately my time for anything extra has vanished swiftly. Thus, I decided to make this post the first of two parts thanking all of the amazing people who were in or helped with Narnia.

1044. Ben: Aslan/Father Christmas/Professor Diggory¬†–¬†Your majestic voice, huge smile, and warm personality made you perfect for this role. However, you are even more than a great actor; you are a magnificent person. Thank you for taking the time to listen and laugh with me even about silly things. The fact that you show care for everyone is so beautiful!

 

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Failing is Not the Same as Being a Failure

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.
– Thomas Edison

When I look back on my day, failures are the main things that I notice. My own failures in particular haunt me. Lately, reminiscing on these problems has been especially time-consuming. In fact, I can list them in my brain from just today:

  • The lowest grade ever on an exam (28 out of 40)
  • Eating two chocolates in addition to a (smaller) dessert
  • Not being able to figure out roommate arrangements at Disney
  • Looking gross in the mirror
  • Almost being late getting my costume on for¬†Narnia¬†

This list continues on and on, but dwelling on it only depresses me more. Instead, I need to remember that my failures do not make me the failure. Sure, I am not perfect, but no one else is either.

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One Thousand Thanks: 1033 – 1043. Narnia

Me as a dryad in Narnia

I am a dryad in Narnia.

Lately, my loneliness and fear of the future has been growing. However, I am trying to stay grounded in reality. There are so many wonderful friends that I have and so much support from numerous people.

Thus, being thankful instead of miserable is a wise decision. Some days, taking the time to even do that seems pointless and impossible. However, we need to count our blessings even at the darkest of moments. There is always a light that can be found.

So, here is a list of thanksgiving for the play Narnia, which I am in right now. This story has enchanted, haunted, depressed, and overjoyed me at different points in life. Now, I will honor what I love about it.

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I Am the Character

Books from OxfordLiterature was the first place where I began to identify with characters. That and movies. Suddenly, other women and girls who I admired were set in front of me. They became role models, whether they were supposed to be or not.

Theater was the next place where I was introduced to characters that I wanted to be. Her voice, her style, her life – they all were more appealing than mine. As I portrayed more females, I felt myself change.

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Listaliciousness: Weird Al with “Yoda,” Amateurs, and Jealous Batman

Break is officially over for me. Tomorrow, classes begin. I feel mixed about starting on this last part of my journey at this university. Leaving will be bitter sweet although the bitterness has brown lately.

Anyway, here are the links like every Sunday. Enjoy!

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More Afraid of Disappointing Others Than Myself

Yesterday was one of the most draining days of my life. Riding into Chicago on night and out of it the next evening on a bus is exhausting even if you are seated the whole time. Thankfully, a classmate was unexpectedly with me on the journey there, and I met a hilarious, kind woman on the way home.

Then came the audition. There were over 200 people present at one of the many locations vying for only 2,000 roles. Once I realized this, I still tried to do my best but also found great peace in acceptance that getting into this position would be nearly miraculous. Thus, when I was not offered a role, I left feeling still excited about being part of the Disney College Program in another way. Living there, still being a part by making the park magical  even if I am not dressed up, and taking classes will be amazing. This is still my dream.

However, admitting that I was not cast to others…that is terrifying. Everyone seemed sure that I could do it or convinced that it would be a waste of time if I was not a performer. Letting others down is the real pain that is throbbing in my heart today.


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