The Tapes in My Head

Nearly every day, my mind plays the same draining tape: “You are lazy. You accomplish nothing. You should be ashamed.”

Eight or nine hours worked six days every week? They don’t count. Any preparation for my masters program this coming autumn? It wasn’t enough. Any cleaning or other task? I should have done it weeks ago.

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To China and Back Again: The Year 2017

Walking over a bridge in China

2017 was filled with many challenges but so much growth.

When I look back at the year 2017, my head spins a bit. So much happened in a fairly short time. My life changed dramatically as I moved from Florida to China in 2016, settled there more in 2017, and then moved back to the USA.

However, I changed even more than my geographical location. Not understanding a word around me but having to find my own apartment and find directions taught me to ask for help even if I looked clueless. Teaching children and planning creative lessons taught me to trust myself more as a leader and artist. Working with children and feeling alone in a new culture taught me that I did want a family one day. Having a happy relationship continues to teach me that I’m lovable with all my quirks and faults.

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Cleaning Out Boxes of the Past

A lake near a mountain

A lake near the mountains

After arriving back in the USA a few days ago, I’ve been busy cleaning out all of my old boxes. Although I just moved back from China, my goal is to move abroad again for my Master’s Degree soon. Thus, all of the clutter in my old room and closet needed to leave.

As I pulled out old boxes and rummaged through dusty drawers, glimpses of the past kept appearing.

My fingers were stained pink and blue from oil pastel paintings made in residential treatment for my eating disorder. Babies surrounded by darkness, blood-red monsters devouring me, trees half blossoming and half diseased – images of despair and hope mixed with every color.

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Updated Bucket List 2017

In the Wide and Narrow Alleys

In the Wide and Narrow Alleys

Here is the fourth version of my bucket list. There are some things taken out and some added. Dreams come and go with time, but many have stayed the same.

Teaching and living in China is the biggest change since the last update in August 2015. However, I also transitioned to a new role at Disney World before coming to Asia and grew to a more confident and happy person. Continue reading

Fear of Seeing People

Lion sleeping

Sometimes I just want to be alone and not be found.

The past few days, I have kept pretty quiet in hopes of being left alone. A few friends were contacted, but I mostly just stayed silent at home. Fear of seeing people or them even knowing I was back in the state overwhelmed me.

Was there a certain person or group of people that made me nervous? I am not sure. However, my panic set in whenever I imagined anyone finding me.

Is this PTSD? Isolation from depression? Social anxiety from Aspergers? I am not sure.

What I do know is that there are times when I just must be alone. Maybe I do not even want to be alone but I must. It is a strange feeling and overpowering to say the least.

Tomorrow, I am returning to Florida. Most of me is excited. Yet that fear of being found still lingers. Will it haunt me even in the Sunshine State?

5 Hidden Gems of Disney World

Here is a post from my other blog. I hope you enjoy and maybe check these places out if you are in Disney World.

Traveling by 5s

Going to Disney World but want to experience something other than the huge thrills and most popular attractions? Here are some of hidden attractions that are wonderful, humorous, and/or peaceful. They will give you a new and exciting look into another part of Disney World.

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5 Most Thrilling Disney Rides

Here is a blog that I just finished about Disney World. 🙂 What thrilling rides do you enjoy?

Traveling by 5s

Looking for a big and thrilling ride at Disney World? Here are some of the largest, most scream-inducing attractions in the four parks. They can be enjoyed by those who are tall enough and want an adventure.

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Listaliciousness: Princess Lessons, Dr. Who Legos, and Perfectionism

Fountain at Downtown Disney

Fountain at Downtown Disney

Despite stressful situations with others, I had a wonderful last two days. Yesterday, my workday started later, so I was able to roam about the Magic Kingdom for a while. It was very enjoyable and relaxing.

Here are some links. A few are several weeks old, but I still wanted to share them. Enjoy!

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A Welcome Break and Time with Mom

My mom and I standing in the airport before taking off.

Off to England with my Mom.

This morning, I embarked to Iowa for the wedding of my college roommate. Not only does this give me a little break from work, this wonderful experience also allowed me to stay with my mother in a lovely hotel. Just hearing her voice brings a smile to my face. Seeing her is even better.

Sometimes, we all need little breaks like this. Hopefully, you do not need to fly across the country for yours. However, there are times when you need to completely alter your location to have a new experience. That is what I have found today.

What is the last break that you took? What are some ideas for breaks that you could utilize?

Listaliciousness: Color Photograph of Pluto, Fandom Musicals, and Prom Dresses

Tea

Afternoon Tea

One week of performances down, one more to go. Only a little bit more time before finals and Florida. Everything is rushing past me. I feel like I am clinging to a palm tree during a hurricane. Hopefully, my arms will be strong enough to keep hanging on despite the wind.

This weeks links are a very interesting blend of various items. Hopefully, you will enjoy the list!
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