Living in recovery (or at least attempting to) is strange. At times, the current sweeps you under and pins you under the water until you feel your lungs about to burst. Other times, the water seems like a calm pool, perhaps even enjoyably cool and refreshing.
Then there are days, weeks, months, years when you are just treading the water. You aren’t about to drown, but your feet certainly do not touch the ground to stabilize you. Each recovery-based choice takes considerable effort and seems like a waste most of the time. However, making those healthy choices is not impossible.
“Why do we live here?” That has been the common compliant that I have heard lately from fellow Minnesotans. Sure, the weather is chilly and ever changing, our roads have pot holes when not ice covered, and people might not be nice all the time (as “Minnesota Nice” seems to claim). However, this state really does have positives.
Because this week has been especially cold, I decided to not complain about my home but affirm it instead. Sure, it is not Oxford, San Diego, or even Wisconsin. However, Minnesota is a wonderful place as this list will prove.
Everyone deals with anxiety in their life whether it is fear of presenting in front of others or dread about dying. Maybe you have generalized anxiety disorder or maybe you just get nervous every so often. While some of these worries keep us safe, they can also hold us back from trying new things and accomplishing our dreams. Here are a few ways to manage your anxiety.
Soft cats are another touch that I am thankful is in the world.
Biology lab has certain taught me this semester that I am not a kinesthetic learner. All of the information in my head refuses to come out and interact with my experiments. Luckily, our professor lets us work in groups, so others help guide me along throughout the projects.
This turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. When I mentioned this last minute to my therapist, she correlated it to both my Aspergers and eating disorder. “How does this affect visualizing how much food to have,” she questioned. Eagerly, I told her of my troubles figuring out portion sizes and other tasks because spatial reasoning is so hard for me. After listening carefully, she stated that she would look into different methods to help me with this problem. Having someone from my eating disorder treatment facility work so much to aid me with the struggles Aspergers brings up in my life is amazing. In the past, they have mostly not believed me. This is a great step in the right direction toward recovery.
Anyway, all of that is to say that touch is probably the hardest sense for me. It is frightening and a bit haunting. When people touch me, I tend to pull away although part of me yearns for contact. Certain clothing is difficult to wear, but other fabrics make me so calm. Thus, I am going to discuss those touches that I like despite how overwhelming this sense can be.
The sound of church bells is one noise that I love.
Continuing on with the theme of senses in my series of Thankfulness Thursdays, I am going to now address sound.
Hearing is probably the sense that most affects me and my Aspergers. Classical musical and church hymns filled me with joy as a child, but modern Christian rock or booming bass during praise and worship made me run from the room. I could hear conversations from another room without even trying while not understanding the person speaking in front of me. Thus, noise has been both a bane and a blessing in my life. Looking at the sounds that I am most thankful for is a great activity.
Yesterday, I felt miserable. In fact, my dizziness was so bad that I could not get to the doctor in time for my appointment. As my head spun around like a merry-go-round, knives pierced my brain and nearly knocked me over whenever I moved. At work, I tried hard to stay strong and keep going. However, I finally gave up as my co-workers kept begging me to go home. In tears, I told my boss who was perfectly fine with that.
Taking a break and letting yourself rest can be a difficult coping skill. Doing this too often can become isolation. However, if you do not do this enough, you will end up ragged and drained. Being able to go back to the dorms and have a quiet evening was a huge blessing last night.