When One Person Complains about Body Image, Everyone Feels Awful

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

Growing up overweight, I always hated hearing thin girls complain about their bodies. If they feel gross and dislike themselves, what must they think of me?

However, I kept my mouth shut and felt disgusted with myself. The years of anorexia changed that a bit. I am ashamed to admit that I began complaining about my weight and appearance more publically. Still, I tried hard to be positive so as not to trigger others.

Continue reading

Top Ten Quotes on Anorexia

Standing in a telephone booth in the U.K. pavilion

Standing in a telephone booth in the U.K. pavilion

When people think of eating disorders, anorexia often comes to mind. Yet, this is the least common eating disorder. The death rate of those with it and horrifying effects of starving oneself, however, make it so well remembered, belittled, and strangely idolized.

Here are some quotes on this disorder I still sometimes fall into or long to have again. I chose words that are not too triggering but still honest. Therefore, these are not pretty quotes or happy words. Still, there is hope for healing even from this illness. Behind these agony-ridden thoughts is light for a better future that contains a better relationship with food.

Continue reading

Being the Fat Girl Still

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

When I look at myself in the mirror or think of my weight, I believe I am a huge person. The awkward, lonely overweight girl that I used to be still is my self-view. Thus, trying to look nice, being complimented, and looking at myself are all very stressful experiences.

However, I lost a great deal of weight with my eating disorder five years ago. Despite that fact, the same scared feeling and desperate desire to lose weight is inside of me. It haunts me all of the time, making it hard to eat, get dressed, take a bath, etc.

Continue reading

Ten Things Not to Say to Someone with BED or Compulsive Overeating Disorders

Mario eating food

Mario eating a S’More

When thinking of eating disorders, most people know about anorexia and bulimia at least by name. However, even more common are disorders that fall under EDNOS or eating disorder not otherwise specified. Two of these are BED  or Binge Eating Disorder and Compulsive Overeating. These are just as painful and certainly dangerous to your emotional, physical, and mental health.

Another hard element of these eating disorders is the judgement that goes with them. All eating disorder are judged, but if you also struggle with being overweight, that makes it even worse. Although most people would not have labeled me as having one of these disorders, I certainly feel like I had them through my teenage years. Some of the comments that I heard have altered my body image and confidence for over a decade now.

Continue reading

Weight Loss is Not Worth a Relapse

My first trip to the Magic Kingdom

I would not be here in the Magic Kingdom if I was in a relapse.

Everywhere you turn, someone seems to be talking about weight. My head hurts just trying to block it out. Worries about this subject already plague me plenty. Hearing about it from coworkers, the media, strangers, and companies just about pushes me over the edge.

However, I try to remind myself that not eating and losing weight would mean losing a lot more: my job, my health, my friends. Restricting is not a healthy or wise choice to make.

Continue reading

Ten Reasons I See Myself As Better and Worse Than Others

Me at Goodwill

We have reasons why we are better/worse humans even if we do not realize them.

At my university’s chapel yesterday, the speaker gave an amazingly candid and thought-provoking exercise for us to do. “List the reasons why you think that you are a better person or Christian than others. Then list the reasons why you are worse.”

Even more shockingly, he went on to list some of his reasons. I similarly made lists in my notebook. Looking back at the items was a strong jolt of reality for me. Pride and superiority is a far bigger issue in my life than I ever realized. In fact, all of us seem to battle this more than we want to admit even if it is hidden in the guise of self-hate.

Continue reading

I Am the Character

Books from OxfordLiterature was the first place where I began to identify with characters. That and movies. Suddenly, other women and girls who I admired were set in front of me. They became role models, whether they were supposed to be or not.

Theater was the next place where I was introduced to characters that I wanted to be. Her voice, her style, her life – they all were more appealing than mine. As I portrayed more females, I felt myself change.

Continue reading

What Motivates Us?

When we discuss motivation, we usually express hurrying towards something that we desire. Maybe money motivates you. Perhaps it is fear or friendship. Security, pleasure, thrill, religion, passion…the list continues on endlessly.

However, most people think that more rewards will urge people to work harder. Strangely enough, that is not always the case. This fascinating video shows that.

Continue reading

Self-Hatred: Part Self-Doubt and Part Self-Disgust

Without even looking down, I tugged. The denim refused to budge. Surprised, I turned my attention to the jeans from my sister. As much as I hate pants, these ones were acceptable to wear on the odd day when I felt so inclined.

The jeans, on the other hand, did not feel so inclined to me. After another tug, I realized that there was no way the buttons could close over my hips. The jeans that had fit the last time I tugged them on now were too small.

I hate recovery. That was my first thought. Hate it so much. Almost as much as I hate myself.

Continue reading

Social Observations From an Aspie: What Makes Guys Uncomfortable 1

Boys in The Yellow Boat

Most of the boys who were in The Yellow Boat with me last spring

As someone with Aspergers, I tend to struggle to read social situations. People chuckle and shake their heads when sarcasm goes over my head and I respond literally to questions asked. At least that means they are enjoying my confusion. In the past (and still sometimes now), people might have scolded me or been exasperated. Now, most just see me as quirky and literal.

The other day, however, a new idea came to me: what if my way of reading people actually was useful or interesting to others? Sure, I am not always perfectly accurate. Yet, my view on social situations is unique. Sometimes I walk into a room and am bogged down by the emotions. Do I understand them? No, but I certainly feel what others are going through at the time. Even when someone says something and I misunderstand it, the situation is fascinating to analyze.

Thus, I am planning to do some posts from now on about how I understand people and social situations. Maybe you will find them helpful, relatable, or simply amusing. Theses posts are meant to give you a little look into my Aspie mind. Please know, however, that I do not speak for everyone with Aspergers or Autism. These are simply musings from my own experiences.

Continue reading